I've been a little bit depressed lately. Not sure why. It's not really bad or anything... I'm just feeling sort of "down" for some reason. I've heard that it's normal to feel some of those feelings after big life-changing stuff happens. I don't know if Nae and Creasy having babies is necissarily "life changing", but it's a big change in my life... (is that the same thing? haha). My feelings have nothing to do with them or the babies at all - I feel overjoyed and blessed and amazed when I see them or think about them. I don't know. Maybe my brain is trying to balance out the overwhelming joy with some "down" feelings. Or, maybe I just get depressed sometimes and I'm just over-analyzing it. Yeah. That's probably the case.
I think I get bummed when I think too much about stuff. Like, what AM I DOING?! My job is great and I think it's good for me for right now, but, I don't have any plan for the future. Is that okay? Right now I'm sick and live my life sort of one day at a time, because I find it overwhelming to PLAN for a future that I'm unsure of but... is that okay? I think I'm starting to get ready to take baby steps toward my future, even though it's really scary. I need to find a way to put my trust in God and not in myself when it comes to planning. It's scary to not know the future. But i shouldn't be scared to give it to God since I believe he DOES know the future, so who's better to handle it than Him?
I emailed Mitch (my doctor dude / landlord) on Friday afternoon, so I hope to hear from him around Monday-ish. I basically told him that I'm ready to start seeking out more stuff regarding my health. I asked him if he thought it would be beneficial to get more Lyme tests periodically. I also asked him about the hyperbaric chamber and whether he thought it would be beneficial to me whether I have Lyme or not, and if it's something I should try. I'm sure we'll run into lots of insurance crap with lots of money decisions to make. But I suppose it's worth it to at least try. Anyway - those were my 2 main questions - Lyme & Hyperbaric. So I'll update when I hear from him. I'm guessing his assistant will call me on Monday and set up an appointment with me, and then I can meet with him and talk to him in his office (again, $100/hr I believe). I have to stop worrying about money when it comes to that. Actually, we are able to be more free with our money at this point in our lives than ever before. So I should see it as an opportunity to even be ABLE to seek out health stuff. Even when we were pretty poor, Brenda from church and my family stepped up and they were able to help me get through some rough patches in regards to my health and the money side of it all. Again, I need to have more faith. Or, in other words, I need to have the "balls" to actually BELIEVE with my whole heart what I SAY I believe... That I trust in Him.
I get in these moods... it's partially the depression thing, it's partially just - I don't know - Me. But it's mostly a mood of Unmotivated-ness. I know that part of that stems from depression, and I think it's a big aspect of depression that a lot of people don't realize is part of it all. I think when people think of depression they think "sad" "crying" "anxious" "loss of interest". But I think at least 50% of it or MORE comes down to not being motivated, (even if it's in direct reference to something you really WANT to do) as well as getting overwhelmed very easily. I could sit here right now and tell you some of the things I want most in the next 5 years, if not earlier: I want to get better (health), I want to start a family with Ry, I want to buy a house, I want to lose weight. Or even the little stuff that I want to do... I want to get a BBQ and learn how to BBQ stuff this summer. I want to organize my house/closets. I want to learn how to bead or do other craftsy things on more than just a basic level. I want to spend more time with my friends, especially the girls. A lot of this stuff I've wanted to do for - well, forever! But have I done any of them? No, not really. Do I have a plan to start working on that stuff? Hmm, not really. I'm just starting to think about GETTING motivated to do a lot of that stuff, but is that going to fade away in a few months? I have no idea.
I guess this is what my predicament is: When I try to plan for the future, it stresses me out, I get overwhelmed, there are too many options... too much stuff to think about. So, I should not worry, right? Give up the "planning" and live one day at a time? But then what? I get nothing done. Ever. I go on with my life... being fat, being sick, not learning new things, not making new friends, letting my "clutter" take over.
I constantly make To-Do lists. Constantly.
I'm mostly venting, or should I say, tiredly ranting, way past my bedtime. If you read this and you are one who prays, (or even if you're not one who prays, but you want to start - haha) pray for me. I need to seek more guidance from God to help guide my ducks into their row. =) For now I think I am working on my health. That might be the hardest one to start with, but I think it will make everything else easier. Who knows. Maybe one day at a time IS best for me. That is, if I can leave the future to God. *sigh* Why is it so difficult?
Anyway - Today was a pretty good day. Lots of down time though, which can get boring. But still good. We went to my friend Rachel's bday party at One Mile. It was fun to see her since I haven't seen her for a while now. She used to work with me at Duarte, but now she teaches. Her husband Chris still works there. Nessie, the doggie that is my little adoptive doggie daughter belongs to Chris and Rachel. (Rachel's parent's own the company, too - Mark & Nancy). I got her some fun craftsy/girly stuff. She's out of work for the summer, so maybe that will mean that we get to hang out and do more craftsy stuff which is something I've been wanting to do anyway. Also, I got to see Nessie and Ryan got to meet Bear Bear (their other doggie) and hear his funny sounds which I've been wanting Ryan to hear because they are HI-LAR-IOUS. Believe me. Later on Ryan played frisbee golf with Tones so I had some down time at home. I was going to watch a netflix but our DVD player was freaking out, or so I thought. The DVD player was fine. I found out that the disc was completely broken in half on one side. haha. So, yeah, that idea went down the tubes. So instead I went upstairs and took a nap. Ryan got home like 30 mins later so it wasn't much of a nap, but it was good enough. Later on we went out to the Olive Garden for dinner. It was yummy-licious and we have leftovers for tomorrow, too. Ryan got a myspace and facebook last night so he's been spacin' and facin' all evening. I finally got the comp from him a little while ago. He bought some video games through his xbox live or whatever so he's actually playing that classic version of the Ninja Turtles game right now. It's pretty funny.
Well, I must retire to my quarters soon. I'll see if I can tear Ryan away from Donatello. :)
wow, fun fact - when they were first released in the UK they were called Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles. HAHA!
Later dooooods.
Lynds :)
-I tend to rant and I tend to blog way too late, so my apologies if my blog makes no sense from time to time.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
BABIES!
Ryan and I got home on Thursday from work and we were both really tired so we took a 1 hour nap. I felt like I could've stayed asleep but we wanted to limit ourselves to an hour because we didn't eat dinner yet and we wanted to be able to sleep that night. We got up and ate dinner around 7-ish. A while after dinner I was going to pop some popcorn because I had a Smart Ones for dinner and was still a little bit hungry. Plus, we were watching the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance so I wanted to make it into an "event". Haha! The premiere was from 8 - 10. As I was finding the popcorn in the cabinet the phone rang (at about 9:15-ish). Caller ID: SETH CONDIT!!! :) It was Lynae on the phone and she said that they were going to the hospital and that her water had just broke. She said that the contractions were really close so we should get there soon if we want to be there for the birth. AHHHH! I hung up the phone and did a little dance and squeeked the info at Ryan. We threw on our clothes (cuz we were in jammies by then), and drove to Paradise. I was really excited the whole way there. When we were about 3 miles away i suddenly got freaked out! We prayed that everything would go smoothly, and boy were our prayers answered.
When we got in there Lynae was dilated to 7 and it was about 10pm. Ryan and my dad ran out to the car to get the viacord kit (to bank Josiah's cord blood). They checked her again within 10 minutes and she was already dliated to 9.5! I wasn't sure that my dad and Ryan would be back in time so I called Ryan on his phone even though they were just out in the parking lot. They were just coming back into the building when I called. Within 10 minutes she was ready to push and her doctor still hadn't arrived! (she went from 7 - 10 in like 20 mins!). He arrived and checked her and put covers on his shoes and gloves on his hands. He didn't even have time to change into his scrubs!
Josiah Daniel Condit was born Thursday, May 21 at 10:37pm. He weighed 7lbs 9oz and he was 22 inches long. He's beautiful! See?
I will post more pictures when I have them. :)
When we got in there Lynae was dilated to 7 and it was about 10pm. Ryan and my dad ran out to the car to get the viacord kit (to bank Josiah's cord blood). They checked her again within 10 minutes and she was already dliated to 9.5! I wasn't sure that my dad and Ryan would be back in time so I called Ryan on his phone even though they were just out in the parking lot. They were just coming back into the building when I called. Within 10 minutes she was ready to push and her doctor still hadn't arrived! (she went from 7 - 10 in like 20 mins!). He arrived and checked her and put covers on his shoes and gloves on his hands. He didn't even have time to change into his scrubs!
The next 20 mins consisted of a lot of yucko details that I won't get into for your sake, but as soon as Josiah's little head popped out it was AM-A-ZING!!!! It instantly turned into a cry-fest. It's wierd... I don't know if this will make sense... But it's like, you don't think of a pregnant woman carrying a nice big BABY... you just see the bump... you know it's a baby... but you kind of have the sonogram image or something like that in your mind, you know? And then... it's a BABY!!!!! It was pretty crazy/exciting... all sorts of emotions! I just can't believe that in about 40 mins or so from when we got there, he was here!
Josiah Daniel Condit was born Thursday, May 21 at 10:37pm. He weighed 7lbs 9oz and he was 22 inches long. He's beautiful! See?
We went home and got to bed about 1am. The next day I went to the hospital around 10 to see Josiah again and watch Jamesie meet him. They were sooo cute together! He gave him lots of kisses and asked questions about how he's not in mommy's tummy anymore. A few visitors came by then, like my grandparents and stuff. Carrisa stopped by because she had a doc appointment in Paradise and they sent her to the hospital for some tests/blood work. Later around 1-ish i went into work for a half day. I got a message later that I should call Carrisa. I called her and she told me that her blood pressure was super high so they decided to induce her! She seemed really nervous so I was a bit worried so I told her to just call me later when things start to happen. We went to Adam's graduation party, and I was there for an hour or so before they broke Carrisa's water so I headed over there. HOURS went by with nothing happening so I went back to the party around 10pm. At like 11:30-ish I left again to check in with Carrisa. There was still no progress so she said I should go home and check in with her the next day. Amelia and Trevor were with her all night. She delivered right before 4am (this morning), a beautiful little girl! Norah is a tiny 5 1/2 lbs and 20 inches long! Her nose and chin look exactly like Carrisa's! She's tiny and beautiful.
I can't believe my two best friends had babies soooooooo close together! I can't believe they're finally here! I LOVE THEM!!!!
I've gone to bed super late the last 2 nights and I've been back and forth to the hospital non-stop! (or at least it feels like it). This morning I got to meet Norah, and then I spent most of the day at Lynae's house holding and kissing Josiah. They are a beautiful family. :) But I'm TIRRRREEEDDD!
Here's a pic of Norah:
I will post more pictures when I have them. :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
MOVIES I want to see!
Here are some movies I want to see coming up!
First one is like - eh, I *might* just netflix it but it looks cute! Maybe James will see it with me. Haha! It's called "Up" and it's a cartoon.
Up - 5/29
Synopsis: From Disney Pixar comes 'Up,' a comedy adventure about 78-year-old balloon salesman Carl Fredricksen, who finally fulfills his lifelong dream of a great adventure when he ties thousands of balloons to his house and flies away to the wilds of South America. But he discovers all too late that his biggest nightmare has stowed away on the trip: an overly optimistic 8-year-old Wilderness Explorer named Russell. From the Academy Award-nominated director Pete Docter ('Monsters, Inc.'), Disney Pixar's 'Up' invites you on a hilarious journey into a lost world, with the least likely duo on Earth.
The next one is called "Away We Go". I just discovered it a few mins ago while looking at upcoming movies. It looks like an independent film and it stars Jim from The Office and that one lady that does the talk show with the boston accents on SNL. I also saw JIM GAFFIGAN in the previews, too, as well as Maggie Gyllenhaal who I like, and Harry from Dumb & Dumber. :) Jim has a weird beard though. haha
Away We Go - 6/5
Synopsis: This funny and heartfelt film follows the journey of an expectant couple (John Krasinski [The Office] and Maya Rudolph [Saturday Night Live]), as they travel the U.S. in search of the perfect place to put down roots and raise their family. Along the way, they have misadventures and find fresh connections with an assortment of relatives and old friends who just might help them discover "home" on their own terms for the first time.
I saw the previews for Moon a while back... I think someone at work sent it out. It looks cool/interesting.
Moon - 6/12
Actually, the preview is better than reading the synopsis. Here's the youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIexG8179K8
Actually, the preview is better than reading the synopsis. Here's the youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIexG8179K8
The Proposal stars Sandra Bullock and it's totally a chick flick and I don't think Ryan will see it with me.
The Proposal - 6/19
Synopsis: When high-powered book editor Margaret (Sandra Bullock) faces deportation to her native Canada, the quick-thinking exec declares that she's actually engaged to her unsuspecting put-upon assistant Andrew (Ryan Reynolds), who she's tormented for years. He agrees to participate in the charade, but with a few conditions of his own. The unlikely couple heads to Alaska to meet his quirky family and the always-in-control city girl finds herself in one comedic fish-out-of-water situation after another. With an impromptu wedding in the works and an immigration official on their tails, Margaret and Andrew reluctantly vow to stick to the plan despite the precarious consequences.
Synopsis: When high-powered book editor Margaret (Sandra Bullock) faces deportation to her native Canada, the quick-thinking exec declares that she's actually engaged to her unsuspecting put-upon assistant Andrew (Ryan Reynolds), who she's tormented for years. He agrees to participate in the charade, but with a few conditions of his own. The unlikely couple heads to Alaska to meet his quirky family and the always-in-control city girl finds herself in one comedic fish-out-of-water situation after another. With an impromptu wedding in the works and an immigration official on their tails, Margaret and Andrew reluctantly vow to stick to the plan despite the precarious consequences.
Year One is a comedy with George-Michael (Michael Cera) from Arrested Development who I LOVE! It also has Jack Black (I love him in Saving Silverman. Classic.)
Year One - 6/19
Synopsis: When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers (Black and Cera) are banished from their primitive village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world.
Again, better to watch the trailer in my opinion. A brainless comedy, for sure, but it looks hilarious. Here's the YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTNBwIAY9Zo
In contrast, a much more serious, tear-jerker-ish type of film that I'm dying to see. My Sister's Keeper.
My Sister's Keeper - 6/26
Synopsis: Sara (Cameron Diaz) and Brian (Jason Patric) were coasting through life with their young son and daughter when tragedy threatened to tear the family apart. Suddenly, their baby girl falls ill, and her only hope for survival rests in her parents' ability to find a compatible bone marrow donator. Desperate to save their daughter's life at any cost, Sara and Brian conceive another child in hopes that the baby will be a genetic match. But that decision raises a series of moral and ethical questions that rapidly begin to erode the foundation of the once-happy couple's relationship. Incensed upon learning that she was brought into this world for the singular purpose of prolonging the life of her ailing older sister, the young girl (Abigail Breslin) ultimately decides to sue her parents for emancipation.
Then of course, not for a while, but Where the Wild Things Are which is based on Ryan's favorite childhood book (with the same title, of course).
That's it for now!
Movie's I'm NOT going to see... "Drag Me to Hell" (NO WAY!), "Dance Flick" (are you joking?), "Hair Force One", "The Ugly Truth" (could be a good chick flick, but for some reason it doesn't look too promising....), "G.I. Joe", "The Wolfman". Helllzzzz no. Who knows though... I never thought I'd see Star Trek, and really, that movie wasn't bad!
Waitin' around
It's about 10:45 in the morning and I've been waiting for the maintenance guy to come fix our dishwasher. It broke a while back and the guy came and fixed it but then it pooped out again about a week and a half ago. Last week they gave me a call and scheduled an appointment for this morning anywhere between 9 and 11am. Now it's almost 11. :( I hope I didn't miss more than an hour of work for no reason, especially on a Monday. I wish he'd come right NOW!
Speaking of waiting, we've been waiting for Nae's baby Josiah to get here. I want to meet him NOW! And I know she's even more excited than I am and can't WAIT for him to come. Not only to meet him, but to also get him OUT of her body! Seriously though, I can't wait.
I always feel like I'm WAITING for something. Once we get a house, once we have kids, once I get better, once Ryan makes X dollars an hour, once this and that and this... THEN we'll be happy. RIGHT? Once one thing happens, we're not satisfied because we're looking for the next thing to happen. My focus needs to be on WAITING for Heaven. I need to realize that when this world feels like "hell" that it's really just the path I need to take until we go home. I need to realize that it's a blessing when I go through trials because I'm learning and GROWING and preparing to be more God-like.
The maintenance guy is here! He's checking out the dishwasher. He said the warranty is up but the warranty for the PART we need might not be up so he's going to make some phone calls. Either way I don't believe we'll have to pay for it since our landlord is the one who will probably deal with that.
Anyway, I should probably go since he'll hopefully be done soon and then I'll have to leave for work right away since it's pretty much 11:00 now. I have to do a training later today and I'm SO NERVOUS! I think it will go pretty smoothly but I still HAAAATTTEEE leading anything basically. :) Geeze, I need to grow up. :)
Speaking of waiting, we've been waiting for Nae's baby Josiah to get here. I want to meet him NOW! And I know she's even more excited than I am and can't WAIT for him to come. Not only to meet him, but to also get him OUT of her body! Seriously though, I can't wait.
I always feel like I'm WAITING for something. Once we get a house, once we have kids, once I get better, once Ryan makes X dollars an hour, once this and that and this... THEN we'll be happy. RIGHT? Once one thing happens, we're not satisfied because we're looking for the next thing to happen. My focus needs to be on WAITING for Heaven. I need to realize that when this world feels like "hell" that it's really just the path I need to take until we go home. I need to realize that it's a blessing when I go through trials because I'm learning and GROWING and preparing to be more God-like.
The maintenance guy is here! He's checking out the dishwasher. He said the warranty is up but the warranty for the PART we need might not be up so he's going to make some phone calls. Either way I don't believe we'll have to pay for it since our landlord is the one who will probably deal with that.
Anyway, I should probably go since he'll hopefully be done soon and then I'll have to leave for work right away since it's pretty much 11:00 now. I have to do a training later today and I'm SO NERVOUS! I think it will go pretty smoothly but I still HAAAATTTEEE leading anything basically. :) Geeze, I need to grow up. :)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Nothin' gets done.
I always clean but our house is always messy! WHYYYY? I don't have any energy to do a whole revamp of the house but I GOTTA do it! Anyway, instead of doing chores this weekend (besides a few dishes and a load of laundry), I built our bed frame. It's actually more like a platform bed, so the whole foundation has to be built. We've been meaning to do it and Ryan was totally willing to help me but I end up building our furniture on my own for various reasons. Last night Ryan was having a Dorkfest with Tones and I was sick of our mattress being on the ground for MONTHS (we had issues with our last bed frame which is a WHOLE other post). So, I built it on my own. It took several HOURS! And I'm waaayyyyy sore but it was worth it. :) It's pretty cool and it feels so weird to be up off of the ground now. It will be good because I won't have to climb in and out of bed; it's at a better level now. I didn't quite finish the whole thing last night, but enough to sleep on it. The whole bed was built but it comes with drawers that go in the sides of the frame and those were the only things I didn't build. So Ryan helped me build those today which probably took another 45mins - an hour. Now I'm even MORE sore. I think I try to be "normal" but I can't handle it. I tend to over-do it.
Ah! Anyway! We were just watching Dane Cook on comedy central. I've seen it before but he is SO funny. I hate it cuz he's usually talking about horrible stuff but he cracks me up. I LOVE when he does impressions of girls. He has the funniest girly voice and motions and stuff. It's hilarious. Now we're watching Saturday Night Live and it's CRACKING ME UP! it's Will Ferrell and that chick that plays the girl who always "one-ups" everyone. She's holding tiny doll hands that are supposed to be her hands. I don't really get it. But, WOW. Hilarious.
We just got the bill today for our laptop. I kinda forgot that we didn't really "pay" for it yet. So now we have a big fat bill. haha. But that's okay cuz Ryan just got paid yesterday so we should have enough in our bank account for an extra expense. We decided to go with the 3 yr warranty thingie because it saved our butt several times with the comp we had 2 comps ago. We even ended up getting a new FREE computer which only lasted a year, but still! I like our new comp but we still need to get our files off of the old one. We don't have any of our songs or pics or anything which is what I really care about.
Tonight I was soooooo bored. I couldn't do anything because my lower back, the back of my legs, and my neck were K-I-L-L-I-N-G me! I sat on the computer for a while while ryan did whatever. He started playing video games so I decided to "massage" my back with my two balls. Yeah, I said it, my two balls. Seriously though... I have one ball about the size of a softball that Carla gave me from the physical therapy place she used to work on. You inflate it and put it on certain pressure points on your back or wherever you're sore. It's pretty cool. The other ball I use is just a regular tennis ball. OMG. It REALLY gets into my muscles and knots and I looovveeee it. If you have sore feet it's the perfect little foot massager... just step on it and it feels WONDERFUL. :) Anyway, during my massage sesh I was going INSANE from 1. boredom and 2. ulta-soreness so I started to SING to Ryan. Poor guy. I was going out of my mind and needed something to entertain myself and keep my mind off my achin' back. I sang him probably abouuuut 15 songs, but only parts of them since my mind couldn't remember all of the lyrics or the tune of anything past 1 verse or 1 chorus. Ryan's video game music was playing in the background, too, so it was throwing me off.
YES! Brand new SNL Jeopardy is on! HILARIOUS!!!!!! "SUCK IT TREBEK". So, side note... what's with the real Jeopardy when everyone STANDS AROUND at the end and like, chit-chat's with each other and shake hands a billion times. It makes them look like suck weirdos and losers!
Well, I must convince Ryan to go to bed soon but I have a feeling he's going to want to watch the rest of SNL.
Oh, one more thing... JOSIAAAHHH! (or Lo-lie-la as James would say), Please come soon! We want to see you and kiss you and hold you! (But please wait at least til tomorrow morning so I don't have to get up in the middle of the nighty when I'm so tired!)
Ah! Anyway! We were just watching Dane Cook on comedy central. I've seen it before but he is SO funny. I hate it cuz he's usually talking about horrible stuff but he cracks me up. I LOVE when he does impressions of girls. He has the funniest girly voice and motions and stuff. It's hilarious. Now we're watching Saturday Night Live and it's CRACKING ME UP! it's Will Ferrell and that chick that plays the girl who always "one-ups" everyone. She's holding tiny doll hands that are supposed to be her hands. I don't really get it. But, WOW. Hilarious.
We just got the bill today for our laptop. I kinda forgot that we didn't really "pay" for it yet. So now we have a big fat bill. haha. But that's okay cuz Ryan just got paid yesterday so we should have enough in our bank account for an extra expense. We decided to go with the 3 yr warranty thingie because it saved our butt several times with the comp we had 2 comps ago. We even ended up getting a new FREE computer which only lasted a year, but still! I like our new comp but we still need to get our files off of the old one. We don't have any of our songs or pics or anything which is what I really care about.
Tonight I was soooooo bored. I couldn't do anything because my lower back, the back of my legs, and my neck were K-I-L-L-I-N-G me! I sat on the computer for a while while ryan did whatever. He started playing video games so I decided to "massage" my back with my two balls. Yeah, I said it, my two balls. Seriously though... I have one ball about the size of a softball that Carla gave me from the physical therapy place she used to work on. You inflate it and put it on certain pressure points on your back or wherever you're sore. It's pretty cool. The other ball I use is just a regular tennis ball. OMG. It REALLY gets into my muscles and knots and I looovveeee it. If you have sore feet it's the perfect little foot massager... just step on it and it feels WONDERFUL. :) Anyway, during my massage sesh I was going INSANE from 1. boredom and 2. ulta-soreness so I started to SING to Ryan. Poor guy. I was going out of my mind and needed something to entertain myself and keep my mind off my achin' back. I sang him probably abouuuut 15 songs, but only parts of them since my mind couldn't remember all of the lyrics or the tune of anything past 1 verse or 1 chorus. Ryan's video game music was playing in the background, too, so it was throwing me off.
YES! Brand new SNL Jeopardy is on! HILARIOUS!!!!!! "SUCK IT TREBEK". So, side note... what's with the real Jeopardy when everyone STANDS AROUND at the end and like, chit-chat's with each other and shake hands a billion times. It makes them look like suck weirdos and losers!
Well, I must convince Ryan to go to bed soon but I have a feeling he's going to want to watch the rest of SNL.
Oh, one more thing... JOSIAAAHHH! (or Lo-lie-la as James would say), Please come soon! We want to see you and kiss you and hold you! (But please wait at least til tomorrow morning so I don't have to get up in the middle of the nighty when I'm so tired!)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I love my husband
I've been so busy at work! Then once I get home I don't feel like blogging because I've been on the computer all day already. Today I finished my work a few mins after 4:00, so I BOLTED out of there as fast as I could.
Ryan will be at work most likely til after 5:00. He's been working really hard all this year. He's been working anywhere from 45 - 50 hours a week (which includes partial days on Saturday) since the year started (possibly even before that... I can't remember). He's definitely NOT a morning person so it's hard for him to get up early on the only day he's usually able to sleep in. Then he comes home and takes care of me. He's a really gentle person and also has a big sense of humor, too. That "light", find-humor-in-everything side of him kind of balances me out. Although, it seems like we're usually on a different "silly" schedule on most days. :) He's the best.
Anyway! I've been thinking a lot lately about my health. We attended a showing of a movie about Lyme Disease called Under Our Skin recently at our church. It got me thinking again. Generally I start a new treatment or try something new, and once it doesn't work I need a big break from it. Not seeing doctors, not doing a treatment (except for maybe a minor pain med or something), etc. But I think I've had a long enough break now. I don't think I've gone to the doc or the acupuncturist yet this year concerning my "condition". I think within the next few months I should think of something new. It's hard to "be your own advocate" if you don't have the energy to even THINK about it, let alone do it. A lot of the treatments I've read about for lyme or fibro and things like that (which I'm sure I have ONE of those, or possibly a crazy food allergy), causes you to "herx" which means to have worse symptoms than you usually do before you get better. The storm before the calm, I guess you could say. I was on a lyme message board last night and again today. I remember getting what I thought was a spider bite when I was young. It was quite a big red bite, and I remember it being warm to the touch (probably because it was infected, and it also had a lot of pus (ew - i know - sorry). Looking back, i'm wondering if it was not a spider bite, but if it was in fact the "bullseye rash" that a lot of lyme patients get after being bitten by the tick that gave them Lyme. I went on the message board to ask about the whole pus thing, because everyone talks about what the rash LOOKS like, but they never talk about any other details. I've only gotten one response so far, although this woman's bite was a while back, too, so she couldn't remember everything. She said that it was quite large, she doesn't remember it being itchy, and she never tried to drain it so she doesn't remember pus... but she does remember it being warm to the touch. They say that the bullseye rash isn't usually painful or itchy. I honestly can't remember if mine was. But I think I would remember if it was REALLY itchy. It's hard to say... that was a long time ago.
While on the message board, I was reading a lot about different "treatments" as well as ways to treat just the symptoms even if destroying the lyme doesn't work. One thing people are talking a lot about is various oxygen treatments. Some sound pretty normal, some sound really, really strange, but there are a variety of different ones. Some of them might not be available in our state, either. I'm not sure. I've barely looked into it. One of the weird ones is that they take several ounces of your blood out, then they "oxygenize" it, and then they put it back in. It's supposed to kill off the lyme spirochetes (or the lyme bug, basically). That one sounds really weird and scary. haha. But another one is just the simple hyperbaric chamber which is what Mitch (my doctor's assistant dude, as well as my landlord) has in his office. He specializes in lyme-related stuff as well as the hyperbaric chamber which I think is one of the only ones in our area. It's safe as far as I know, and they use it a lot for althletes. General people use it, and if anything, it usually increases energy by a long shot. If that's all that it did, that would still be better than nothing. Basically, they change the pressure in the chamber to somewhere below sea level, and also put a bunch of extra oxygen in there. I'm not sure how it works, but apparently it does work for a lot of people. I just need to talk to Mitch and ask about how we should approach this, if he thinks it'd be a good thing for me to try, and if it might be covered by insurance for me. I also want to ask him if he thinks doing another blood test in the future would be a good move, to see if Lyme shows up later.
So... yeah, that's what's been on my mind lately. I'm so tired today! I worked 2.5 hours longer than I usually do yesterday. Luckily today i only worked about 5 1/2 hours or so. They always have lots of flexibility with me, so I'm trying to be flexible for them, too. They always give me the option to say no though. I actually feel better than I thought I would. My energy isn't as bad as it could be. It's mostly just that my neck is killin me. After I get home and lay around or sit around and watch TV for a little while I usually feel better.
There was just a cat in our yard and I threw Penguino (our stuffed animal penguin) at the door to scare it away. I hate cats!
I have a bunch of other stuff on my mind but I'll bloggy blog later I suppose. I'm gonna figure out dinner now. bleh. Byyyeee!
Ryan will be at work most likely til after 5:00. He's been working really hard all this year. He's been working anywhere from 45 - 50 hours a week (which includes partial days on Saturday) since the year started (possibly even before that... I can't remember). He's definitely NOT a morning person so it's hard for him to get up early on the only day he's usually able to sleep in. Then he comes home and takes care of me. He's a really gentle person and also has a big sense of humor, too. That "light", find-humor-in-everything side of him kind of balances me out. Although, it seems like we're usually on a different "silly" schedule on most days. :) He's the best.
Anyway! I've been thinking a lot lately about my health. We attended a showing of a movie about Lyme Disease called Under Our Skin recently at our church. It got me thinking again. Generally I start a new treatment or try something new, and once it doesn't work I need a big break from it. Not seeing doctors, not doing a treatment (except for maybe a minor pain med or something), etc. But I think I've had a long enough break now. I don't think I've gone to the doc or the acupuncturist yet this year concerning my "condition". I think within the next few months I should think of something new. It's hard to "be your own advocate" if you don't have the energy to even THINK about it, let alone do it. A lot of the treatments I've read about for lyme or fibro and things like that (which I'm sure I have ONE of those, or possibly a crazy food allergy), causes you to "herx" which means to have worse symptoms than you usually do before you get better. The storm before the calm, I guess you could say. I was on a lyme message board last night and again today. I remember getting what I thought was a spider bite when I was young. It was quite a big red bite, and I remember it being warm to the touch (probably because it was infected, and it also had a lot of pus (ew - i know - sorry). Looking back, i'm wondering if it was not a spider bite, but if it was in fact the "bullseye rash" that a lot of lyme patients get after being bitten by the tick that gave them Lyme. I went on the message board to ask about the whole pus thing, because everyone talks about what the rash LOOKS like, but they never talk about any other details. I've only gotten one response so far, although this woman's bite was a while back, too, so she couldn't remember everything. She said that it was quite large, she doesn't remember it being itchy, and she never tried to drain it so she doesn't remember pus... but she does remember it being warm to the touch. They say that the bullseye rash isn't usually painful or itchy. I honestly can't remember if mine was. But I think I would remember if it was REALLY itchy. It's hard to say... that was a long time ago.
While on the message board, I was reading a lot about different "treatments" as well as ways to treat just the symptoms even if destroying the lyme doesn't work. One thing people are talking a lot about is various oxygen treatments. Some sound pretty normal, some sound really, really strange, but there are a variety of different ones. Some of them might not be available in our state, either. I'm not sure. I've barely looked into it. One of the weird ones is that they take several ounces of your blood out, then they "oxygenize" it, and then they put it back in. It's supposed to kill off the lyme spirochetes (or the lyme bug, basically). That one sounds really weird and scary. haha. But another one is just the simple hyperbaric chamber which is what Mitch (my doctor's assistant dude, as well as my landlord) has in his office. He specializes in lyme-related stuff as well as the hyperbaric chamber which I think is one of the only ones in our area. It's safe as far as I know, and they use it a lot for althletes. General people use it, and if anything, it usually increases energy by a long shot. If that's all that it did, that would still be better than nothing. Basically, they change the pressure in the chamber to somewhere below sea level, and also put a bunch of extra oxygen in there. I'm not sure how it works, but apparently it does work for a lot of people. I just need to talk to Mitch and ask about how we should approach this, if he thinks it'd be a good thing for me to try, and if it might be covered by insurance for me. I also want to ask him if he thinks doing another blood test in the future would be a good move, to see if Lyme shows up later.
So... yeah, that's what's been on my mind lately. I'm so tired today! I worked 2.5 hours longer than I usually do yesterday. Luckily today i only worked about 5 1/2 hours or so. They always have lots of flexibility with me, so I'm trying to be flexible for them, too. They always give me the option to say no though. I actually feel better than I thought I would. My energy isn't as bad as it could be. It's mostly just that my neck is killin me. After I get home and lay around or sit around and watch TV for a little while I usually feel better.
There was just a cat in our yard and I threw Penguino (our stuffed animal penguin) at the door to scare it away. I hate cats!
I have a bunch of other stuff on my mind but I'll bloggy blog later I suppose. I'm gonna figure out dinner now. bleh. Byyyeee!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sleezgreens & Ladybugs
So, they generally give me about 3 refills on my meds. When the refills are up and I want to refill them, I call Walgreens and ask them to send my doc a refill request form. Then, in about a day or two, they call me and let me know that my prescription is in. I called last Monday about the refill request form for the mild pain meds that my doc prescribed me quite a while back (maybe a year or so...). I took my last pill on Friday and I still hadn't heard from Walgreens so I decided to call them to check up on it. The lady on the phone sounded rushed, and she told me that my doc denied the refill and wants to see me. THANKS for letting me KNOW, Walgreens!!!
I mean, even though that was stupid for Walgreens not to let me know, they're still not the whole reason that I'm upset. It's weird. I usually take two of the pain meds in the morning and that's all I take for the day. I'm allowed up to 4. Sometimes I second guess that they're even working. But then when I don't take them for a few days I really notice a difference in my body pain. I feel pretty yucky lately and I haven't been taking it for about 4 days. It's weird how I don't feel like I notice a difference when I take them but I do realize they are working when I stop taking them. My limbs have been hurting... my arms and legs & my feet, wrists, hands, fingers. More than usual. I've been taking advil instead but it's, eh, I dunno. My sleep hasn't been good either. It takes a long time to fall asleep and I keep tossing and turning to find a comfortable position but there isn't such thing as a comfy position.
So anyway, I need to make an appointment with my doc this week. It sucks... he's always really busy and doesn't seem like he has more than maybe 3 - 5 mins to see me. I heard somewhere (and I think it was even a DOCTOR who said it) that doctors listen for about 20 seconds and then their brain moves on to whatever's next. He's also just very, I dunno... I don't love his bedside manner. He's not MEAN... I just don't really like him. So I dont want to see him. But I have to if I want to get refills. He also refills my antidepressants and my birth control. ugh.
So, I'm basically a big fatty. I NEED to start exercising but I'm always so tired. But more importantly I need to start eating better. I can make myself eat healthy meals if I really try but I'm addicted to sweets. Desserts. ugh. They're so yummmyyy! and snacks, too. But seriously... i weighed myself the other day and it's SICKENING. Not gonna say what it is. My wedding ring is getting tighter and harder to take off. Gross. Anyway... I'm thinkin of joining Curves. Kinda old-lady-ish but I think it's pretty low-key and doable. So I'm going to check into it. I can't keep gaining weight.
SOMETHING I've been eating or something... has been giving me WEIRD dreams lately. SO WEIRD. I keep dreaming about Lost but it's all a bunch of weird stuff. A week ago or so I had a dream that I was at a school and I was running in this alley way behind the mobile classrooms. There were a TON of ladybugs on the wall. Then there were a bunch of HUGE lady bugs crawling on the wall. It was so weird. They were about the size of two of my fists each, and various smaller sizes. A few nights ago I had a dream about Lost. I was chasing Sawyer down some stairs and he turned into a huge man-sized LADYBUG! What is up with these over-sized ladybug dreams? They're weirding me out.
Well, this is quite a boring post. We're watching 24 right now so I should go anyway. It's a pretty good episode!!!
I mean, even though that was stupid for Walgreens not to let me know, they're still not the whole reason that I'm upset. It's weird. I usually take two of the pain meds in the morning and that's all I take for the day. I'm allowed up to 4. Sometimes I second guess that they're even working. But then when I don't take them for a few days I really notice a difference in my body pain. I feel pretty yucky lately and I haven't been taking it for about 4 days. It's weird how I don't feel like I notice a difference when I take them but I do realize they are working when I stop taking them. My limbs have been hurting... my arms and legs & my feet, wrists, hands, fingers. More than usual. I've been taking advil instead but it's, eh, I dunno. My sleep hasn't been good either. It takes a long time to fall asleep and I keep tossing and turning to find a comfortable position but there isn't such thing as a comfy position.
So anyway, I need to make an appointment with my doc this week. It sucks... he's always really busy and doesn't seem like he has more than maybe 3 - 5 mins to see me. I heard somewhere (and I think it was even a DOCTOR who said it) that doctors listen for about 20 seconds and then their brain moves on to whatever's next. He's also just very, I dunno... I don't love his bedside manner. He's not MEAN... I just don't really like him. So I dont want to see him. But I have to if I want to get refills. He also refills my antidepressants and my birth control. ugh.
So, I'm basically a big fatty. I NEED to start exercising but I'm always so tired. But more importantly I need to start eating better. I can make myself eat healthy meals if I really try but I'm addicted to sweets. Desserts. ugh. They're so yummmyyy! and snacks, too. But seriously... i weighed myself the other day and it's SICKENING. Not gonna say what it is. My wedding ring is getting tighter and harder to take off. Gross. Anyway... I'm thinkin of joining Curves. Kinda old-lady-ish but I think it's pretty low-key and doable. So I'm going to check into it. I can't keep gaining weight.
SOMETHING I've been eating or something... has been giving me WEIRD dreams lately. SO WEIRD. I keep dreaming about Lost but it's all a bunch of weird stuff. A week ago or so I had a dream that I was at a school and I was running in this alley way behind the mobile classrooms. There were a TON of ladybugs on the wall. Then there were a bunch of HUGE lady bugs crawling on the wall. It was so weird. They were about the size of two of my fists each, and various smaller sizes. A few nights ago I had a dream about Lost. I was chasing Sawyer down some stairs and he turned into a huge man-sized LADYBUG! What is up with these over-sized ladybug dreams? They're weirding me out.
Well, this is quite a boring post. We're watching 24 right now so I should go anyway. It's a pretty good episode!!!
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