Oh baby, baby!

I don't think I've mentioned this on the blog yet, although, all of you know... but, I'M PREGNANT! :) I'm 11 1/2 weeks along. My due date is October 21st. I can't wait to meet my lil sweetie! :) So, we don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet since it's too early to tell. I've been throwing around some room decor ideas for both. :) FUN! I'm thinking of maybe doing a Foresty/Naturey/outdoorsy theme either way, but especially if it's a boy. This is an idea of something I'd like for a boys room:

I LOVE the little bear the most :)

Then I was thinking of putting some trees on the wall, maybe like one of the decals in these etsy listings (but maybe just paint them - or have someone ELSE paint them - instead:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/59808643/vinyl-wall-decal-sticker-art-birch-tree

http://www.etsy.com/listing/66111630/vinyl-wall-decal-sticker-art-winter

http://www.etsy.com/listing/61739688/removable-vinyl-wall-sticker-decal-art

For a girl, if I decide to go with an outdoorsy theme, I kinda like the idea of birdies better than Bears & Owls & such. :) I like this one:

I even found this wall decal on Etsy that I like, and then I noticed that they have the same bedding in the picture! :) http://www.etsy.com/listing/61299260/tree-with-birds-and-fawn-decal-set-kids

I've also always wanted to do dusty purple and pale sage sooo, I might have to find something like that instead for a girl. So far I haven't been able to find the most perfect-est colors, so we'll see. :)

Keep Us

I've never understood it when people get excited about rainy weather. I mean, I sort of understand how people might like the change of scenery, and the thought of snuggling up inside the house. I guess maybe I don't really like change much at all, and also, I get my fair share of snuggling in even when it's sunny out. Have you ever heard of evenings...? :) To be honest, rainy days kind of send me into a bit of a depression. I don't always HATE the rain, but it puts me in kind of a somber mood.

Today I worked from home, and the weather outside is dreary with the sun TRYING to make an appearance here and there. I think being alone, plus the weather, plus listening to soft music all day has been somehow making me think a lot about Carrisa. I miss her SO much. I have been doing better than I thought I would. I sometimes go a whole week without getting too sad over her loss - That's not to say that I don't think about her, because I think of her all the time. But I can go a while without being overwhelmed by it all. Today is different though. She's been on my mind this whole week, actually.

Norah went to Colorado last week and is starting her new little life in the Goodlin familiy. I am so happy for her. I'm sad for myself though, that I won't see her grow up as closely as I would've if Carrisa were still here. I know it's what's best though. And God has been reminding me how great it is - mostly through pictures, updates, and blog posts from Carrisa's family. This is one of my most favorite pictures in the world. This is Norah going to sleep in her new home (clutching her "baby", of course!), and her new big sister is kissing her goodnight. :) ADORABLE!





When I see Norah, especially in this picture, I see Carrisa. The look so much alike. Even small things like their hairline remind me of each other. It sends me back to the wee hours of the morning on December 12th, 2010... Just a few hours after Carrisa's passing. I stood by myself in a room with my best friend; except she wasn't there. Her memory, her body... those were there, but her spirit had already gone to be with her Savior. I wanted to remember her in 5, 10, or 20 years the same way I would if she were still here. I rubbed her hair for a minute, told her how much I loved her and would miss her, said my goodbyes, and then kissed her on the forehead. I've heard before that out of all of our senses, Smell has been dubbed as the "memory sense". The memory of a smell will last longer than the memory of a sight or even sound. So, after saying my goodbyes and kissing her forehead, I smelled her hair so that I could have something else to hold on to. When I see Norah or rub her hair, it reminds me of her Mommy. It reminds me of how much I'll miss her and how sad I am that Norah will never know her. Through ALL of the pain and sorrow that the death of my best friend has brought, there have been miracles right before my eyes, and even a sense of overwhelming joy at times. Carrisa's in heaven with the God of the universe. It doesn't get any better than that.

While remembering Carrisa today, I was thinking about the week that followed the tragic night that we lost her. Especially the next two days. With the exception of going to church, sitting in front of the TV, and occasionally finding something to eat, I basically stayed in bed. I remember that night we didn't go to bed until about 4am because we had been at the hospital really late. We were EXHAUSTED, but we couldn't help but stay up and talk about her and hold each other. We did the same thing for the next few days. Every time I'd wake up, I'd have to remember again that it was not in fact a nightmare, but it was real. Time stood still. We told our employers that we needed time off that week. We slept at strange hours. We stayed up late talking and slept all day. I'd get up for a few hours, and then go back to bed and cry myself to sleep. There's a song by Peter Bradley Adams that I've always LOVED, but it reminds me sooo much of the days just after Carrisa's death. The lyrics are printed below. I'm highlighting two verses. The first and second ones are what remind me so much of those days, and the third one, I just LOVE and it reminds me of the hope we have in this verse: For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Corinthians 4:17). Our troubles don't FEEL light and momentary, but in the scheme of eternity, they really are momentary. :)

Here are the lyrics:


Keep Us - Peter Bradley Adams

When the rains set in, we had no where left to go,
so we just stayed in bed while the thunder rolled.

There's a comfort in the rain, one that lovers only know.
So we lay hand in hand while the water rolls.

Every season will turn 'til the world is upsidedown.
Rivers overflow, then go underground.

But in the eye of the storm, and the safety of this house,
we lay hand in hand while the world turns round.

So keep us, keep us,
Keep us from the storm.

There's a lesson in the rain, that change will always come.
Let us ride this wave and then greet the sun.

And though the ground may shake and we think we've had enough,
We must raise our flags for the ones we love.

So keep us, keep us,
Keep us from the storm

Friends

I had a great weekend. On Friday, Ryan and I made a last minute visit to Paradise to hang out and BBQ with Lynae & Seth. Another couple from our church (the Candlers) came, too. We enjoyed some delicious food together (thanks SETH!) and some good times. Even though Ryan and I are shy with new friends, it was good to be around other people. They are a nice couple and more talkative than us, which helps. For a little while Ryan joined the boys outside by the BBQ while the girls chatted inside with the babies. I also got to see my most favorite boys in the WORLD, so that's always an enormous PLUS! I went through James' sesame street song book with him again. You know I love him a lot if I'm willing to SING in front of people I barely know so that he can have fun! He loves that little sing-along book so I like to do it with him to see him smile a whole bunch and to hear his cute little singing voice. After much hesitation (on his part) I finally convinced him to get OUT of his high chair and come sit on my lap. He's my little snuggle bug. Joey looked sooooo cute in his "uncle Ryan shirt" (stripey polo). He decided he wanted Ryan to pick him up, so Ryan did. Then after about a minute Ryan set him down and Joey whined with his arms in the air like "pick me up again, uncle Ryan!" It was the cutest thing. He loves his uncles! Joey played outside in the leaf pile and acted like a total boy. It was so cute. I told Joey I'd rather eat him for dessert than the chocolate chip cookies cuz he's sooooo SWEET! :)

On Saturday morning we worked together on picking up the house in preparation for our lovely out of town guests! Adam and Ashley and little Lucy visited this weekend and it was SOOO nice to have them around. We miss them so much and wish they would move BACK! Although, let's do Chico instead of Paradise, mkay guys?! The guys (Adam, Dustin & Tones) came over around noon to play video games and Lucy took a nap. They were all so cute on the couch together, giggling. I meant to snap a picture but I never did. I was gonna put it on Facebook and post the song "The boys are back in town, boys are back in towwwn!" haha. It was too cute.

I ran a few errands and then made my way over to Carrisa's house around 2-ish. Carrisa's parents and sis Candice went through all of Carrisa's stuff last week and sorted it out. They had an open house day for people to come by and see Norah, say "goodbye" to Carrisa's place, and pick out any items we might want from Carrisa's belongings. It was kind of weird going through all of her stuff and picking out what we wanted. But at the same time, I know she'd want people to take what was special to them. We found a necklace that had a little silver pendant that looked like a mom & daughter and their arms kind of made a heart shape. We set that aside so that Norah could have it later. Carrisa's sister Danae pulled out some other pieces of jewelry so that Norah can either have them later or just see what kind of style her mommy had. Carrisa had tons of great shoes, but none of us wore exactly the right size to fit into her shoes. There was one black pair that I really liked, and I remember thinking about asking Carrisa when she was still here if she'd consider selling them to me. Carrisa mostly wore a size 8 (sometimes 7 1/2), and I wear more like an 8 1/2 or 9, but these particular black shoes are an 8 1/2 and fit me really well so I took them. They are really cute and I think they will remind me of her and her cute style when I see them. I also took some of her CDs and board games. I think it'll remind me of the good times we've had together playing games. And also, her and I had really similar music tastes, so I will enjoy listening to her CDs. I found one CD that was a recording that she somehow got online of one of the John Mayer concerts that we went to TOGETHER. That will be a great memory and a fun thing to listen to! I also found the bridesmaid dress she wore at my wedding, so I took that home with me as well.

I spent about 4 hours there playing with Norah and talking to all of Carrisa's family and friends. Even though it was a difficult time, it was an over all good experience. I'm glad I got to play with Norah. She and I went outside and played with rocks. It reminded me about how Carrisa always used to always tell me how when she was a little kid she liked to explore outside and find bugs. haha! Norah reminds me of Carrisa's baby pictures and I think she has a similar personality. It was a really sweet time. Nae and Ashley showed up a couple of hours after I got there, and Lucy and Nory got to play together. They are SO cute. Poor little chubby Nory is starting to outweigh all of her friends! haha!

Around 6 we all left Carrisa's house (probably for the last time), and had girls night together at Carla's house. We made kabobs and they were DELICIOUS! Then we decided we needed to ruin our healthy dinner by visiting Gelayo. YUM! Jessica had to leave to go to a friend's birthday party, but she ended up not being able to find the house. Lucky for us because we got to hang out with her that night instead. Wheeee! After Gelayo we all went hot tubbin'. We had a really wonderful time together. After all that, Ashley and I went home and that night Adam & Ashley (and Lucy) stayed the night. We all stayed up til after 1 watching SNL and chatting.

On Sunday morning, the boys stayed home and Ashley and I went to church together. We sat with her family, and afterwards we went to lunch with her family and some other friends. Her sister Catherine (and husband Joe) are moving to So-Cal because Catherine accepted a job working at DISNEY LAND!!! It was kind of a "bye-for-now" lunch for the Cruz's. We had a good time, and the couple got to say goodbye (or, "bye-for-now") to their friends and family. I know they are going to be very blessed during this new chapter of their lives! But, I know it has to be hard to leave. Church was great, too. Carrisa's mom got a chance to talk up front and thank the church family for accepting Carrisa and Norah and for helping shape their lives. It was a blessing to hear her talk, even though it made me cry.

I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to reach out to Carrisa's brother Jordan somehow. I thought he might have fun hanging out with Ryan since they have a few similar interests - one of them being SPORTS - so I invited him over for football. We also invited all of the guys (& Carla and Ashley). So after church & lunch everyone came over and watched football. Even though I hate football and maybe watched a total of 5 mins of both games, it was really fun to have everyone together! We really liked having Jordan's company. We all piled on our new-to-us sectional couch and watched the game and looked at awkardfamilyphotos . com. It was a blast. I think Jordan had a good time, too, and seemed comfortable with our group. Between games a bunch of us headed over to Gelayo... AGAIN. mmmmmmm!

After everyone left, Ryan and I were really tired so we went to bed between 9:30 and 10. Usually one of us is talkative, and the other isn't (and our mood never matches at night), but last night in particular, we were both in a talkative mood. We ended up chatting and joking around until midnight! I'm really tired today, but it was fun to be all BFF-y with my husband. :)

We don't always do much on the weekend so it was just such a blessing to be with friends the entire time. Carrisa's presence was DEFINITELY missed and there was a bit of an emptiness in the midst of all of the great company. But mixed in with all of the sadness and emptiness, I can't help but feel happy, too. I'm just so happy that Carrisa is whole now. She doesn't have to worry about all of the STUFF that goes on in this world. She is no longer concerned with her health, mommy-worries, work stuff, relationships... EVERYTHING. How can I not be happy that my best friend doesn't have to be concerned with all of that? I miss her SO much, and it hits me at different times in different ways that I'm really never going to see her again on this earth. But, I think God has really given me a peace about everything, and that has been a huge blessing.

Maui

I realized that I never blogged about our trip to MAUI! OH. MY. GOSH. It was AMAZING! We had such a fun time. We flew to Maui in November (2 days after Thanksgiving), rented a car and stayed there for 5 nights. We stayed at the Royal Lahaina Resort. I really liked our room. We had a view of the ocean and the hotel is pretty much ON the beach. You just have to take an elevator down to the lobby, walk through their restaurant/bar and the swimming pool area and there's the BEACH! The only downside was no free wifi in the rooms. What is up with that? BIG MISTAKE! Oh well.

(view from our room)

When we first got there we were VERY tired from waking up so early and going to bed late the night before. One of the first things we did was take a nap. We woke up around 5pm-ish (Hawaii time), which was also about the time the sun was about to set. We walked down and checked out our beach and watched the sunset. It was soooo beautiful! We got really excited for the week ahead of us. We splashed our feet in the water and took a few pictures, and then took a walk down the beach before getting dinner. We enjoyed a sunset and walk on the beach almost every night we were there.

Early in the week we visited the "Maui Ocean Center". It was fun! I like that sort of thing, and Ryan enjoyed himself too, but I think it would be a fun place to go with kids. It seemed like something that James would love. We saw all kinds of fish, jelly fish, ocean creatures, sharks, turtles! It was cool. After we went to the Ocean Center, we drove a little ways out of the way to have dinner together at a Mexican food place that we read about in our book "Maui Revealed". It was SOOO good! There was a beach over there that looked fun, but more crowded than ours.

One morning we drove over to another beach where we went PARASAILING. It was AMAZING! It was probably our favorite part of the trip. It was kind of scary at first but once we were up there it kind of just felt like you were on a ski lift or something (but a REALLY high one!) There was a great view from up there. We saw all of the water, the mountains, and the fancy hotels from up there. SO MUCH FUN! The even dipped us into the water at one point! Afterward, we ate at a restaurant called Lelani's which had a great view of the beach. (That's also where we tried HULA PIE for the first time... Oreo crust. Vanilla ice cream. Macadamia nuts. YUM!

Another really fun thing that we did was we drove about 30 mins over to a natural blowhole. It's basically a big hole in the ground, and ocean waves come up under it and cause a huge spray of water. You have to hike down a little bit to get right by the blowhole, but it's also a really cool view from on top of the mountain. We decided to hike all the way down to it. It's not a bad hike at all, but I planned ahead with tennis shoes. You can go right up to the blowhole if you want to, but it's not all that safe to get too close because you could fall in and you'd probably die. I got about 3 feet away and would run away every time it spit out water. Ryan stayed back about 10 or 12 feet because you'd literally get SOAKED if you got any closer than that. I was as soaked as I would be if I had gone swimming under water. Haha. It was really, really fun. The drive there and back was also kinda cool because it looked more "rainforest-y" than the section of Maui that we stayed in. I don't think Ryan enjoyed driving on those tiny, windy roads! I made sure to grab our camera before we left. Unfortunately, I left the battery charging in the room sooo... yeah... I didn't get any pictures which I'm VERY bummed about!!!

Throughout the week we had a few other fun adventures. We bought some cheapy snorkel gear and went exploring in the ocean in front of our hotel. We didn't see any fish for a long time, but we were looking in the wrong place. Finally when we got tired and were headed back to the shore, we found a TON of fish! They were sooo pretty. It was really cool. Then we saw a SEA TURTLE just below us! Ryan claims it tried to chase and kill him. His boss who is an avid scuba diver told him that a sea turtle is about as agressive as a bunny. Still, he swears the turtle had red eyes and a severed human head in his "claw". Ummm. Okay. Still, we got nervous and swam away. haha! We saw Cirque De Polynesia show which was cool and weird all at once. They performers did some really cool tricks & stunts. There were some talented musicians. Although, the drummer looked like he was trying to look like Michael Jackson so I was obviously pretty frightened. We didn't get pulled up on stage, so that was good. :) We did a little bit of shopping on "Front Street" and visited a few of the ABC stores which are on almost every corner. They have some cheap, fun stuff and some suvioneer stuff too. On Front St, we found a cool restaurant that we ended up eating at a second time. It was called Cool Cat Cafe. YUM! It was tasty, affordable, and there was sometimes live music and a view of the famous Banyan tree.

We got a lot of rest, relaxation, good food and FUN adventures while we were there. It was awesome. The weather was perfect. I kind of wanted to MOVE there by our second day there. :) It was hard to leave!!!

(no, I don't know why I have a comb-over)

I'll be wearing white...

(I typed out this post yesterday but didn't get to finish it and post it until today.)

Today is the 11th which means it's been exactly one month since Carrisa's passing. Gosh, I MISS HER! It's weird; it's like I was doing better the week after she died than I'm doing now. It's been hard for me to look at pictures of her for some reason. When we first went through pictures a few days after she passed away, it was actually kind of fun. It was cool to look back on old pictures and to see all of the fun times we had together. Lately, for some reason, I get sad when I see her face in pictures. I guess I'm finally realizing that it is all I have left. The only time I can see her face now here on earth is in pictures and memories.

Anyway, I've been wanting to blog about a song that was performed at Carrisa's memorial service. It's called If I Die Young, by The Band Perry. The song is very nice and some of the lines REALLY stood out to me. I'm going to put the lyrics here and highlight the ones that stand out to me and talk about them underneath. :)

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stand under my colors
oh and, life ain't always what you think it oughtta be
Aint even grey but she buries her baby
Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to express the pain I have in my heart for Carrisa's mother, Laurie. She is SUCH a strong woman and gives all of the credit to God. She has been through so much. Carrisa is actually the SECOND child she'll be "burying" (in addition to her husband and parents). I hope she feels the presence of God each time she remembers Carrisa.

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time
I really believe that Carrisa had just enough time here on earth. I know it sounds weird because she was so young. And in our minds there were things that she "never accomplished" such as getting married, living into old age, watching her daughter get married. But, God had a plan for her life and once it was accomplished it was time to take her back home to Him. I don't know the exact purpose of her life was, but I've had a few glimpses. :)

(Chorus)

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
My favorite line in the song is about how she'll be wearing white when she enters into God's kingdom. Wow, what a BEAUTIFUL picture! I thought of Carrisa in the following lines, too. She never fell in love and got married. It was something I wanted for her so badly. I didn't want her to settle, because I knew how happy I was being married to my best friend. I wanted the same for her. While we planned her memorial service, sometimes it felt like we were planning her wedding. In fact, Carla kept accidentally calling it her wedding. You know what, it really WAS like a wedding ceremony for her. She is now "THE BRIDE OF CHRIST". She is now whole. She is now experiencing way more love than she could've ever experienced here on earth. I never got to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I think speaking at her memorial right after her mom was such an honor. The way her family treated me as one of their own on the night Carrisa passed, inviting me in to see her and say goodbye along with them. I don't know, it has just been such a blessing to be a part of Carrisa's life. Even though I didn't get to be her bridesmaid, to picture her in a beautiful white flowing dress as she walks into God's presence is an even bigger blessing!
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would've thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
The part that stands out to me first of all are the words "Who would've thought". Because, who would've thought this could happen? We go about our lives thinking it could never happen to us, and then out of nowhere, it does. And then the second part. Wow, it describes the feeling so well. It does feel like a severing. She was here and then suddenly she was gone. And it does feel like a sharp knife. A really, really sharp one sometimes.
I've had just enough time



So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
all the things we wished for her future... it's all done. And really, I think that's okay. :)

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
they're worth so much more after I'm a gonner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listening
I have seen lives change before my eyes since Carrisa's death. I think it's based on things she said and did before she died, but we finally started listening after she was gone.

(Chorus)

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
I miss her so badly. I know she's at peace though. That brings me joy. :)
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls...

Shoebox of letters

I'm over at my parents' house tonight taking care of Lance while they get a break (24 hours isn't exactly a GOOD break, but a break nonetheless). Usually when I'm here I get a chance to think or reflect or something like that. I think it's because their cable SUCKS. In other words, fewer distractions. Well, I figured I might be bored here because I wouldn't have Ryan to bug, Lance goes to bed early, and again, my parent's cable SUCKS! So, I tossed Modern Family season 1 in my bag as my boredom-safety-net, but I also grabbed a shoebox that has been sitting in my living room for a few weeks now. You see, I don't really hang onto things too often. Yes, I let junk pile up for SURE, but when I go through things I don't have too hard of a time letting go. I do keep pictures though. The day after Carrisa passed, we busted out a big box of pictures that I hadn't gone through in YEARS. We wanted to find old pictures for the slideshow for her service. Looking through all of our pictures was SO much fun! Well, sad and fun all at once. You know? Anyway, at the bottom of all of the pictures, there was a shoebox. I figured there were more pictures in it. NOPE! OLD LETTERS! Old letters? It just didn't seem like something I would hold on to! But I did. And I'm glad. :)

I didn't really have the energy to go through all of the letters. I knew once I started I would want to pretty much go through all of them. So the box has been sitting in my living room until earlier today. I knew I'd have time on my hands tonight, and thank God for that. After Lance and I ate dinner, Lance went downstairs to play games and watch TV, and I got to have hours alone with my shoebox of letters. For some reason, I thought that going through them would be like, some kind of cry-fest. I don't know why I thought the whole box would be a bunch of lovey-dovey letters from Carrisa or something like that. Instead, it was a big box of humor and memories! I didn't even cry (YET)! I sure laughed a lot, though! The shoebox was almost like a Time Machine. :) I thought I was getting close to finishing up all of the letters but I realized I was probably less than half done when I decided it was time for an "internet break".

The letters are mostly from Carrisa and my cousin Jessica. My two best friends in High School. :) Most of the letters are from high school (and even a few from 8th grade, I think), and most of them were written while someone was bored in class. They were so "every-day". Now-a-days (how old do I sound?!), the "every-day" stuff is just posted on facebook, and the "real" letters people get are usually via email; not handwritten. The letters from the box were glimpses and memories of my best friends' daily lives, their classes, their crushes, their thoughts, their homelife... They are so much fun to read! Besides the hundred-ish letters from Carrisa and Jess, there are some from Jessica (Jackson, then Haaker), a few from old highschool friends, a couple from Adam, one from Teryn, and even a few from Lynae, some from when she spent time living in Missouri. :) I didn't expect any from Nae. I kind of forgot we ever wrote any letters to each other! There's even one randomly from Lance. I even found a few letters from myself that were either journal entries or letters to Carrisa that I never gave to her, and also the letter they had us write Freshman year to our "Senior Self" (they saved them and gave them to us a few days before graduation or something like that).


I'd say almost 70% of the letters were from Carrisa. I'm just so glad I have them! None of them are exceptionally "special" by themselves, but as a whole, they're kind of a treasure. It is fun to look back on our friendship. We were SO SILLY. You don't even know. Or, if you knew us then, maybe you KIND OF know... but still... you don't even KNOW! Haha. First of all, the letters are SO confusing because we had nicknames for everyonnnne and I can't remember who most of them are (SHE would remember every single one!). Also, in highschool it was like a sin to write in regular blue/black ink or something... they were all in light PINK, blue, silver, or purple pretty pens. Or they were in pencil because they were written in math class. And, we kind of made up words, too. (In summary, they were really hard to read!) We were so silly. We had SO much fun together. We were boy-crazy, aparently! Most of her letters were about how bored she was in class, what we were going to do that weekend or at YoungLife, some cute boy (or "fine" back then), how we need a ride here and there because we didn't have our licences yet...

I don't know. I can't explain what it was like looking back. All I know is it made me happy. I will post peices of the letters when I get the chance. (After I space out on facebook for a while, I'm going to try to go and read the rest... it's seriously taking HOURS!) I will scan up bits and pieces or I will type them out. It's fun to see her handwriting though (not to mention the pictures we drew).

I really think hand-written letters (or just LETTERS in general... not facebook updates) are REALLY cool. I wish we all did that still. It didn't matter back then that I was going to see Carrisa the very next hour, or later that night, or that I lived in the same house as Lynae. We wrote to each other anyway. It didn't have to be anything special. There didn't have to be a "reason". It was just about our life & thoughts. It was about asking advice from each other. It was about telling a funny story while we were thinking of it. It was a part of an ongoing conversation, written down so that we could hold on to it, directed especially to one person. So... I'll be checking my mail, guys! :)

Creasy

My best friend Carrisa went to be with the Lord last Saturday, December 11th, 2010. I miss her so much, but I am so happy that she is with her Savior now (and her big bro and dad, too).

I just wanted to post my speech from her beautiful memorial for you all to read again if you'd like. :) (I strayed a bit from my "script", but this is what I had typed out in front of me that day).

________

Carrisa was my best friend. We were 6 and 7 years old when we met. She's the one who had the great memory, not me. In fact, she remembers the day we met, and this year on October 25th she emailed me to jokingly wish me a "Happy 18th Anniversary". One thing I do remember is the first time I went to her house to play. We played a silly game of make believe in her back yard. I got to meet her huge family. I didn't know it would be the beginning of a rare type of friendship that a lot of people never get to experience.

We were basically inseperable since that day. We were in the same class all through elementary school and the same program for Jr. High School. In High school we got to choose our own classes, so of course we took almost all of the same ones. Even in college we were attached at the hip.

I have shared almost all of my life experiences with her. We grew up together. She was a sister to me. We went through everything together. I hugged her tight when she lost her brother 13 years ago. She loved my brother even when others didn't know how.

We eventually grew out of backyard make believe into things like boys, music, and individual interests. In High School we both became interested in YoungLife and our friendship deepend even more. We went on countless trips together to Woodleaf, mission trips to Mexico, and camping. We had a tight knit group of AWESOME friends who held us accountable in our Christian faith. Many of these friends had the privilege of being with her in her final moments here on earth.

After High School, we decided we'd move out of our parents' houses and into "adulthood". We were able to spend a year as roommates along with our friend Meghan. I think we knew that being roommates would be a test of our friendship, and we came out the other side of that realizing that we were more like family than just friends. We realized we could get through anything together, even if it was something that was really difficult for a while.

Carrisa stood next to me as my maid of honor on my wedding day. She held my bouquet while I shared vows with the love of my life. A few years later, I sat in the next room as she delivered the love of her life, Norah Olivia. After thousands of memories shared, we got to share the biggest, most important moments of our lives with each other.

Carrisa was such an amazing friend, not just to me but to everyone she knew. She invested time and love into so many people. She loved planning parties and playing games. She loved serving others. She was rarely seen without a smile on her face.

Most of all, she was an amazing Mother. She only got to spend 18 months with Norah, but she poured a lifetime of love into her. We want Norah to know her Mommy so we all need to tell her about Carrisa when she's old enough. We want her to know how much her Mommy loved her.

This week has been full of every emotion I could ever imagine. I have been so sad that my sister is gone. I have been grieving about events that haven't even happened yet that we're going to wish she was here for. I have been in disbelief that this is even real.

I have also experienced a joy and peace that could only come from God. Carrisa accepted Jesus into her heart at a very young age, and she kept that faith through the end of her life here on earth. I truly believe that she is now in heaven with her Savior. That is where the joy comes from. I know she is free of pain and worries and other earthly concerns. I also know she is planning a heck of a party for Jesus' birthday! I will miss her so much. Thank you, Carrisa, for sharing your life with me!

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Also, as we went through our pics to find some for the slideshow, I came across this note. It pretty much sums us up. :)