Emilee is such a sweetie. She just turned 7 weeks on Friday. I can't believe she's almost 2 months old. It makes me feel like I if I close my eyes it's going to go by in a flash and I'm going to miss everything.
She is already growing and changing. She weighs over 9 lbs now and has grown 3 1/2 inches since birth! She has been really interested in faces lately. She likes to stare at me and she'll even give me a sweet little smile sometimes. She'll go from concentrated, furrowed brow look on her face to a big, wide-eyed, crooked little smile. It is by far the sweetest little thing I've ever seen!!! Sometimes when she's looking at me I can tell she's looking at my hair. I guess she likes my fluffy bed-head. :) The best is when she stares at her Daddy's face and gives him smiles! I love when she starts to stare at him across the room, just waiting for him to come look at her and talk to her. I think she misses him when he's at work! :) Ryan gets the whole week off for Thanksgiving and we are so HAPPY about that!
Emilee has a lot of different sounds. She is a GASSY little baby. She's always making us giggle with her farty-butt, and sometimes we just look at each other with surprised looks wondering how THAT sound came out of THAT sweet little body. Bahahaha! She also has a lot of different cries. She gets PISSED if I set her down unexpectedly or when I take off her diaper just before her bath. She sometimes does a big, loud cry and then it turns to "the silent cry". She turns all red and I wonder for a second if she'll ever take her next breath or if her angry silent cry will last FOREVER! She also has a really quiet, sweet cry. (That's my favorite, for obvious reasons.) :) She has an urgent cry. She has a "my tummy hurts and I'm miserable" cry. She also has a cute little whiny cry that she makes when she's eating and she loses it and can't find it for a second, or when I take her away to burp her. She's starting to make a lot of cooing and squawking sounds. I love it.
She sleeps a lot but has a cranky time in the evenings. She loves to be held and snuggled. Her hair sticks up all cute after her bath. She snores and makes funny snorting sounds. She loves to lay on her tummy lately. She's got the softest skin EVER! She has a little outie belly button right now. She already likes to watch TV and look at the computer screen - SIGH!
I love watching her grow but I'm sad it's going by so fast. Last night Emilee & I went to bed earlier than Ryan, and I just stared at her little face for a while before I turned off the lamp. I prayed and thanked God for her. I'm so thankful for her. I asked God to protect her from harm, lyme's disease, cancer... boys. :-/ I prayed that she would grow up knowing Him in a deep, personal way, and that she'd make good choices easily. Thank you Lord for my sweet girl!!!!!! :)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Missing her
I've been thinking about Carrisa all the time lately and I've been missing her A LOT. The weather is changing and it's starting to feel like fall which will eventually feel like winter. I guess it's just getting close to the time she passed away last year. I'm also awake at crazy hours feeding Emilee with nothing else to do but THINK. And she comes to mind a lot these days. Everything reminds me of her...
It's random stuff, too. Like, sometimes it's stuff no one else would understand. We used to make this one funny face that we called "the bass face" because it looked like a fish with it's mouth open. Well, earlier today Emilee TOTALLY made "the bass face" and I was cracking up and I wanted to tell her about it. And then there's stuff that reminds me of her that would remind anyone of her - like if a Johnny song comes on the radio, or that song If I Die Young (which was sung at her funeral). And a bunch of stuff in between.
The girls (Jessica, Carla & Nae) and I were talking about her the other day. We were discussing how weird it is that life just goes on without her. Before Carrisa died she knew that Lynae was having a boy and I'm pretty sure she knew what she was going to name him, but she never got to meet Caleb. She never even go tot know about Emilee. I would have loved for her to be a part of Emilee's life. I would've loved for her to meet Emilee and see her sweet face. Emilee is sooooooo special to me, and Carrisa was like a sister to me. It just seems like they should know each other. It's just crazy that I went through a whole pregnancy without her and now I'm starting an entirely new chapter of my life, and she is not here. I'm looking at Emilee now, thinking about how much Carrisa would've loved her. She would've probably bought cute shoes and clothes for her. I would've been just as excited for Carrisa to bring Norah to meet Emilee as I was for Emilee to meet the boys (James, Joey & Caleb).
I can't believe it's almost been a year. Somehow it seems like yesterday and like forever ago all at once. I see pictures of Norah on Jenni's blog and sometimes can't believe it's her. She's so grown up! I miss her. But it's crazy how in my mind's eye, she's kind of just frozen in time at the age she was when Carrisa died.
Tomorrow we are having our "Friends Thanksgiving". Carrisa will be missed. It was an event that she usually planned or helped plan, and something she got really excited about. Later this year we'll also be celebrating Christmas together with our close group of friends. It will be bittersweet. It was during our Christmas celebration with friends last year that she was quickly and unexpectedly taken. I still sometimes can't believe that was real - that we pretty much watched our best friend die right in the midst of a happy, fun, carefree celebration. It sounds more like a sad movie than something that could've really happened.
Carrisa will be on my mind a lot this season. I will remember her joy. I will remember her beautiful smile. I will remember her hospitality and how much she loved others. And probably mostly I will remember our inside jokes and the little things that remind me of her. Something will happen and I will look over to share a giggle with her, but she will not be there. And then, instead of be sad that she's gone, I will have to try to be thankful that we had that bond and were able to share those memories, and be thankful that I will see her smile again someday.
It's random stuff, too. Like, sometimes it's stuff no one else would understand. We used to make this one funny face that we called "the bass face" because it looked like a fish with it's mouth open. Well, earlier today Emilee TOTALLY made "the bass face" and I was cracking up and I wanted to tell her about it. And then there's stuff that reminds me of her that would remind anyone of her - like if a Johnny song comes on the radio, or that song If I Die Young (which was sung at her funeral). And a bunch of stuff in between.
The girls (Jessica, Carla & Nae) and I were talking about her the other day. We were discussing how weird it is that life just goes on without her. Before Carrisa died she knew that Lynae was having a boy and I'm pretty sure she knew what she was going to name him, but she never got to meet Caleb. She never even go tot know about Emilee. I would have loved for her to be a part of Emilee's life. I would've loved for her to meet Emilee and see her sweet face. Emilee is sooooooo special to me, and Carrisa was like a sister to me. It just seems like they should know each other. It's just crazy that I went through a whole pregnancy without her and now I'm starting an entirely new chapter of my life, and she is not here. I'm looking at Emilee now, thinking about how much Carrisa would've loved her. She would've probably bought cute shoes and clothes for her. I would've been just as excited for Carrisa to bring Norah to meet Emilee as I was for Emilee to meet the boys (James, Joey & Caleb).
I can't believe it's almost been a year. Somehow it seems like yesterday and like forever ago all at once. I see pictures of Norah on Jenni's blog and sometimes can't believe it's her. She's so grown up! I miss her. But it's crazy how in my mind's eye, she's kind of just frozen in time at the age she was when Carrisa died.
Tomorrow we are having our "Friends Thanksgiving". Carrisa will be missed. It was an event that she usually planned or helped plan, and something she got really excited about. Later this year we'll also be celebrating Christmas together with our close group of friends. It will be bittersweet. It was during our Christmas celebration with friends last year that she was quickly and unexpectedly taken. I still sometimes can't believe that was real - that we pretty much watched our best friend die right in the midst of a happy, fun, carefree celebration. It sounds more like a sad movie than something that could've really happened.
Carrisa will be on my mind a lot this season. I will remember her joy. I will remember her beautiful smile. I will remember her hospitality and how much she loved others. And probably mostly I will remember our inside jokes and the little things that remind me of her. Something will happen and I will look over to share a giggle with her, but she will not be there. And then, instead of be sad that she's gone, I will have to try to be thankful that we had that bond and were able to share those memories, and be thankful that I will see her smile again someday.
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