I'll be wearing white...

(I typed out this post yesterday but didn't get to finish it and post it until today.)

Today is the 11th which means it's been exactly one month since Carrisa's passing. Gosh, I MISS HER! It's weird; it's like I was doing better the week after she died than I'm doing now. It's been hard for me to look at pictures of her for some reason. When we first went through pictures a few days after she passed away, it was actually kind of fun. It was cool to look back on old pictures and to see all of the fun times we had together. Lately, for some reason, I get sad when I see her face in pictures. I guess I'm finally realizing that it is all I have left. The only time I can see her face now here on earth is in pictures and memories.

Anyway, I've been wanting to blog about a song that was performed at Carrisa's memorial service. It's called If I Die Young, by The Band Perry. The song is very nice and some of the lines REALLY stood out to me. I'm going to put the lyrics here and highlight the ones that stand out to me and talk about them underneath. :)

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stand under my colors
oh and, life ain't always what you think it oughtta be
Aint even grey but she buries her baby
Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to express the pain I have in my heart for Carrisa's mother, Laurie. She is SUCH a strong woman and gives all of the credit to God. She has been through so much. Carrisa is actually the SECOND child she'll be "burying" (in addition to her husband and parents). I hope she feels the presence of God each time she remembers Carrisa.

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time
I really believe that Carrisa had just enough time here on earth. I know it sounds weird because she was so young. And in our minds there were things that she "never accomplished" such as getting married, living into old age, watching her daughter get married. But, God had a plan for her life and once it was accomplished it was time to take her back home to Him. I don't know the exact purpose of her life was, but I've had a few glimpses. :)

(Chorus)

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger
I've never known the lovin' of a man
but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
My favorite line in the song is about how she'll be wearing white when she enters into God's kingdom. Wow, what a BEAUTIFUL picture! I thought of Carrisa in the following lines, too. She never fell in love and got married. It was something I wanted for her so badly. I didn't want her to settle, because I knew how happy I was being married to my best friend. I wanted the same for her. While we planned her memorial service, sometimes it felt like we were planning her wedding. In fact, Carla kept accidentally calling it her wedding. You know what, it really WAS like a wedding ceremony for her. She is now "THE BRIDE OF CHRIST". She is now whole. She is now experiencing way more love than she could've ever experienced here on earth. I never got to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I think speaking at her memorial right after her mom was such an honor. The way her family treated me as one of their own on the night Carrisa passed, inviting me in to see her and say goodbye along with them. I don't know, it has just been such a blessing to be a part of Carrisa's life. Even though I didn't get to be her bridesmaid, to picture her in a beautiful white flowing dress as she walks into God's presence is an even bigger blessing!
There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would've thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,
The part that stands out to me first of all are the words "Who would've thought". Because, who would've thought this could happen? We go about our lives thinking it could never happen to us, and then out of nowhere, it does. And then the second part. Wow, it describes the feeling so well. It does feel like a severing. She was here and then suddenly she was gone. And it does feel like a sharp knife. A really, really sharp one sometimes.
I've had just enough time



So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
all the things we wished for her future... it's all done. And really, I think that's okay. :)

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
they're worth so much more after I'm a gonner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listening
I have seen lives change before my eyes since Carrisa's death. I think it's based on things she said and did before she died, but we finally started listening after she was gone.

(Chorus)

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
I miss her so badly. I know she's at peace though. That brings me joy. :)
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them

The sharp knife of a short life, well,
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls...